progress is happening.™

I carry a kiss wherever I go

Exes scrawled in secret

where only I would know to look.

It is and it isn't

nothing and everything.

I get into these moods sometimes, and sometimes I will know without a doubt that a certain song completely embodies the emotions of that mood. When that happens, I take steps to luxuriate in that song, and that song alone. I put it on repeat and just let it wash over and around me until I feel immersed, until I'm saturated by it. It gives me a sense of complete freedom, to just give myself over to this one collection of harmonies, melodies, lyrical content, and to experience it over and over again. Each listen is slightly different, influenced by the one that came before. If I liken it to traversing the length of an emotional journey, each listen is a footstep along the way. When I am satisfied, when I have reached journey's end, I sit in silence.

It probably wreaks havoc with my Last.fm stats. ;-)

poem 00:19

In the silent spaciousness of these precious minutes past midnight

I go online

to see if you are

too.

i can't sleep

under this low, red moon

as people die under rubble

those they love hear them turn silent

as people burn others to death

for being born across a border

--Anonymous

By Malcolm Bullough 

Dang, I meant to write about this aaages ago to give people time to decide whether or not they wanted to come along. Then I got ill and stayed that way for weeks, and all plans went down the drain. :-p 

It's been six weeks since Easter, which I'm coming to regard as a sort of personal turning point in my life. So much has happened since then that it seems really rather incredible.

One of the big things was/is the worst bout of ill health since the crazy delirium-filled days of the raging kidney infection back in 2003. This time around I caught a cold which led to another cold and then another, which led to my catching what my doctor called "a flu-like virus", complicated by chest, throat and eye infections. Nice. In the end I had to accept the necessity of antibiotics, of which I was given a 7-day supply coupled with a sick note booking me off work for a week and a bit.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at how wiped out all this has left me feeling, but I still find it remarkable to think how completely shot my immune system seems to be. Again, given the sustained stress of the Ping Wales years, the lack of regular exercise, the steadily declining diet and the perhaps inevitable bouts of depression, I'm really not sure why this culmination should surprise me at all, but there you go. People have an uncanny knack for self-delusion, which the body will always attempt to strip away using the only language it has.

Back in February, Andy drew my attention to this article in The Guardian: Upsides of being down. My favourite excerpt: Regardless of the reason for falling into depression, the journey has the potential to make us better equipped, in a general sense, for life. If we are too busy to think and feel, to be mindful, depression might represent the first opportunity to take an honest inventory of ourselves.

To which I say, true that. ;-)

I'm now notionally recovered from the virus and the infections, but I find I am very easily fatigued. In essence, this means I'm forced to pay attention to things I previously blithely ignored; making time to eat regularly, to rest my mind and body, to consciously assess how much I can realistically achieve in a given time period without over-exerting myself. These days I'm finding if I do overreach my limits, the payback is a lot more severe than it has ever been. It's a mental struggle to adjust to this feeling that I am not invincible or even infinitely flexible. :-p It's a hard lesson in mindfulness and respect. But as my mother used to say, back in the day, "As jy wil nie hoor nie, dan moet jy voel!"[1] So very, very true, and so ironic I can't help but laugh. :-)

[1] Literally: If you don't want to listen, then you have to feel. Usually the precursor to a hiding. 

World's First Crocheted Lens Cap

Thanks to the lovely Lottie, I am now the proud recipient of the world's first crocheted lens cap, pictured complete with attachment loop so it doesn't meet the same fate as its non-crocheted predecessor. Woooooo. Those wanting to follow in my trend-setting footsteps, here's where you find out more. :-) UK orders don't have to go through etsy; drop me a line and I'll hook you up. (That's a crochet pun, btw. Did you see what I did there?)

Grurple. Or is it preen?
Originally uploaded by Basheera Khan

The new (outrageous) hair. :-)

Walking back from the library today, I heard a voice calling out to me as I passed. "I love your outrageous hair!"